6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
