i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize