the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
