i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
