Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I AM VODKA MAN
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize