i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
