she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
