Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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