Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
