im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
