Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
