hell yes lets make some ravioli
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
