I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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