like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
