Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i believe in u and ur pee
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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