And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
