There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
