I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize