she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
