Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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