I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize