Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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