So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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