i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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