Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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