what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
