Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
