oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
