oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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