If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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