were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
