He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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