I just threw up on my dentist
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I supernannyed him into submission
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
