Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he puts the penis in happiness.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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