And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
