if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So squirting runs in the family.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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