I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize