lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
