If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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