I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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