he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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