i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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