she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
