Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
