New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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