So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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