I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
