i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
