We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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