dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
