ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
