Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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