She announced her abortion via fbk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
