either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
