i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
