my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
