i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
