i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
