Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
