I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
