Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
