lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
