Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
