i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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