So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize