i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
