not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
