another moral hangover. fuck.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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