Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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