Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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