So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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