Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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