I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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