Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
