I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i think i have two assholes
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
