your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
