I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
