i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
