I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
